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This Is How It Is by ~A2sHaTo:iconA2sHaTo:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Human Nature > Fixed


If I took off my clothes,
would you feel like I'd like?
Would you do what I'd do,
if I were in your shoes?

If I walked away,
would you feel like they said?
Would you do what I'd do,
if the tables were turned?

If I cheated on you,
would you feel like I did?
Would you do what I'd do,
if I ever caught you?

If I punched you,
would you feel the pain?
Would you do what I'd do,
if you were to punch me too?

I don't know what to think,
so I don't want to try it anymore.
I don't want to go back to where I was,
where I didn't know my own name.

I don't want to be part of this,
so I don't think I will.
I don't want to feel like your doll,
where I don't have my own mind.

If I told you a lie,
would you feel the sting?
Would you do what I did,
when you did such a thing to me?
©2005-2009 ~A2sHaTo
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Submitted: November 9, 2005
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Comments: 10
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Coming back, I am.
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Comments


~hunnybunny09:iconhunnybunny09: Nov 9, 2005, 6:11:46 PM
So true. You've created a powerful peice that gets right to the point. Nice work. :) :hug:

--
"Peace is the only battle worth waging." - Albert Camus (1913-1960)
~A2sHaTo:iconA2sHaTo: Nov 9, 2005, 6:12:21 PM
Thank you very much for your comment, it's VERY much appreciated! :D! :hug:

--
-My goal is to hurt you..Severely..Come here..-
~Xbxg32000:iconXbxg32000: Nov 9, 2005, 6:13:17 PM
Nice poem you have here. I like the whole question scheme to it. One suggestion that I have for you is to use more precise vocabulary to get a more 'push' out of your words so that it hits the reader harder. Words like drown, swept, and others might fit very well in this poem. Great job, keep it up :).

--
You have a lot yet to discover.
~hunnybunny09:iconhunnybunny09: Nov 9, 2005, 6:13:24 PM
You're welcome :) Hehe, it was a pleasure reading it.

--
"Peace is the only battle worth waging." - Albert Camus (1913-1960)
~hunnybunny09:iconhunnybunny09: Nov 9, 2005, 6:13:25 PM
You're welcome :) Hehe, it was a pleasure reading it.

--
"Peace is the only battle worth waging." - Albert Camus (1913-1960)
~A2sHaTo:iconA2sHaTo: Nov 9, 2005, 6:14:34 PM
Thanks, and I've tried as you suggested before, and it came out pretty crappy-like. But, I'll give it a swing again sometime. Thanks for your comment!

--
-My goal is to hurt you..Severely..Come here..-
~Xbxg32000:iconXbxg32000: Nov 9, 2005, 7:08:43 PM
No problem, and it's okay; poetry takes a lot of patience and several tries to get it just perfect.

--
You have a lot yet to discover.
~keitarka:iconkeitarka: Nov 27, 2005, 3:21:49 AM
very nice
the way you wrote it makes it disconcerting-
its not hard to figure out- i had to pause an think about what you were tryin ta say but it works so well
the meaning is hard to pin down its sorta a vague idea- its the exact feeling of what i think ur talkin about but i cant really describe it

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>^_^<
~A2sHaTo:iconA2sHaTo: Dec 7, 2005, 6:31:05 PM
Thank you so much, dear! I love your comments so much!! :hug:

--
-My goal is to hurt you..Severely..Come here..-
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